dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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