you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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