I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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