She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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