dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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