i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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