I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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