id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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