if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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