ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize