I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize