Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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