Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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