and she was petting her beer can
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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