I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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