Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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