How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Fuck appropriateness.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize