I swear god or herbie drove my car home
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize