i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize