You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize