I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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