Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize