too bad you live with your parents still
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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