I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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