a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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