She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You dont lie about slip and slides
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Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
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Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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