She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize