Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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