Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
