I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize