I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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