there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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