Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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