Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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