No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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