There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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