i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You can't special order awesome
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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