By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize