I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
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It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
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THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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