She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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