I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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