If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize