Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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