dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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