Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Blood and glitter go together right?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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