I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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