Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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