you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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