WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize