my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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