i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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